It’s never simple when it comes to growing old. It becomes even more complicated when it comes to our parents. Those who once cared for us are now our care recipients. Aging marks an important transition not only for their lives but for the family’s dynamics itself.
In this article, we’ll try to uncover issues regarding aging and some tips to help you better understand your parents.
Issues & Fears in Aging
Aging is a major milestone. But as in all life transitions, there are problems and issues that are unique to growing old. Here are some of the things that our parents have to contend with in the twilight of their life:
Loss & Loneliness
Loss feels more real as one grows old. As time passes, things naturally change. Our parents experience firsthand different issues related to lose. It may come in various forms:
- Loss of friends and family
- Loss of familiar institutions
- Loss of purpose and meaning
These losses may follow feelings of loneliness. As family and friends pass away, our parents may struggle with finding confidants and people to spend time with. Being past the prime of their lives, they too may find doing nothing else worthwhile with their time.
This predicament with loss and loneliness marks a huge part of our aging parents’ lives. It’s something that they contend with whether we notice it or not.
Health Changes
Another issue that is more evident is changes in their health. Aging doesn’t necessarily connote a poor state of health. However, changes are still inevitable.
They may suddenly find themselves unable to do things that were typically easy to do. Things like walking, climbing stairs, and staying up later in the day are now more difficult compared to before.
There are even more subtle changes that may not be evident at the moment. Their bones are becoming less dense. Their muscles are losing strength. Their balance and coordination too are affected.
All these are just some of the things that our aging parents have to contend with regarding their new bodies.
Legacy & Expectations
Having lived for so long, our parents are bound to look back and reflect on their lives. The issue of legacy then involves pondering the question: did I live the life I wanted to live? The answer to that question could then affect their general well-being.
With this then comes their own expectations of how they want to be viewed and how they want to spend the rest of their life. Elderly persons want to be respected and be viewed as important advisors within the family. They also prefer to stay close to their family as much as possible.
However, these expectations don’t always match with that of their families. Their children may have different perspectives and desires. Some children are sending their elderly parents to assisted living facilities to better take care of them while they age.
Coping & Communicating with Aging Parents
Coping with our aging persons isn’t too difficult once we understand where they are coming from. Here are some tips on how to communicate with them better:
Empathize: Hear Them Out Even If You Don’t Understand
Listen to them. Taking time to first understand how they are feeling can go a long way. Aging is a mystery even to themselves so trying to hear them out helps them process their experience. Doing so not only helps them come to terms with their new life role but also aids you in understanding why they do the things they do.
Starting from an empathic perspective can help ease a less difficult situation in the future. If your parents see that you value their perspective, they may be more amenable to you in your next encounters.
Treat them like Adults: Respect their Decisions
Just because they’re old, it doesn’t mean their opinion doesn’t matter. Even if you’re the one taking care of them now, they’re still your parents. Treat them accordingly
Respect their decisions even if you feel you are correct. As long as they are of sound mind, they know what is best for them. Pushing them too much belittles their capacity to choose. Respect their individuality.
Engage: Involve them in Activities
Include your parents in your next trip or activity. Invite them to go shopping, try new restaurants, and have a night out together. Have them join you in simple errands, like grocery shopping, doing laundry, and the like.
Engaging your parents this way can make them feel included in your family’s life. This will help ease their feelings of loneliness and mind with thoughts concerning their condition
Words to Action: Helping Aging Parents
Being able to understand your parents now puts you in a better position to help them. Here are some areas of life your aging parents may need help on:
Activities of Daily Living
Older adults may or may not need help in doing everyday activities. Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) basically involved simple self-care tasks. This includes the following:
- Eating
- Walking
- Dressing
- Bathing
- Using the toilet
Elderly patients vary in the help they need for ADLs. Typically, it can range from a little help to full dependency. It is best to discuss with your parent to know what kind of help is most suitable for them.
Medical Issues
Many older adults experience changes in health that they did not expect. Beyond conditions directly related to aging, they too may contract chronic conditions that need specific management.
It is then important to constantly ask your parent if he or she is experiencing any new symptoms. Older adults tend to hide medical concerns for fear of hospitalization. Reassure them that that is not always the case and that check-ups are good for their overall wellbeing.
Quality of Life
There is more to life than thriving. After addressing their basic concerns, it’s then worth looking into their quality of life. Quality of life is concerned with concepts such as purpose, autonomy, and social connectedness.
Of all three, this may be the hardest one to assess. However, it essentially boils down to asking them what matters most to them at this stage in their life. Their answer to this question will help you as a family work on the quality of life that your aging parent might want.
Final Words
Understanding aging parents can be daunting. They are going through issues and fears related to their life stage that is entirely new to them. However, with proper communication, we can better understand the things they are going through. This enables us to better attend to their needs and contribute to a better quality of life in their retirement years.
